Consumed... with consumption

Those of you who know me, know that my husband and I buy almost everything online. If it can be purchased online... THAT is where we get it. Groceries. Clothes. Books. Diapers. Toys. Appliances. Cars. You name it.

But yesterday, for the first time in a long time, I had to venture to the Mall. I had not been to the Mall in months. And the only time we go to the Mall, it is almost never to buy things, it is to go to a movie, or to bring the kids to the Food Court for a "fun" night out. Which is never fun for the parents, but fun "enough" for the kids when we are cooped up inside for the 5 (or, in this years case, 9 months) of a long MN winter.

I very much dislike the Mall. Okay. Let me just be honest. I hate the Mall. I am just not a big shopper. I take no enjoyment in perusing through aisles of stuff I don't need, wandering aimlessly about. I think it's because I hate to waste time. I am your fairly standard Type A personality... not big into wasting time, which is what I consider shopping to be. That is why I like the Internet. I go directly to the online store that is carrying whatever it is I need, throw it in my cart, press "Submit" and Wallah... 3-5 days later Mr. Friendly UPS is at my door, needed items in hand. It's become somewhat of a (not very funny) joke around here. Between my husband and I, UPS comes just about every single day.

But here's what landed me at the Mall... I need a bedding set. After searching for hours and days and weeks online and in catalogs, I have found nothing that I've liked, so I thought I'd give it a try... head to the Mall and just give it one last shot.

Big mistake.

First, let me clarify. The few times a year that I end up at the Mall, it is always with the kids- which means I am 100% distracted and not really engaged in what's going on around me.

But this time, I was all by myself. And I was overwhelmed. I was amazed. I felt like I was in the twilight zone. I felt like I was a big cow in a herd of cattle just moving forward, feeling suffocated not only by those around me, but by all the STUFF that was surrounding us all.

The more I walked around, the more frustrated I became a) Because I could not at all find what I had come to purchase and b) because the more I walked, the more oppressed I began to feel by all the stuff... JUNK around me. What in the world do we need with all this stuff? And when I began to let my mind wander and I was trying to wrap my head around what it all requires (resources) to manufacture all this STUFF, I was about ready to have an anxiety attack. Every where I looked there were signs and colors and objects and messages screaming SALE! HURRY!!! The sense of urgency to come buy... buy... BUY was suffocating. And depressing.

The Mall is really such an appropriate symbol for American culture. Our lavish, overly consuming, super-sizing, wasteful society. I am not bashing our country. I love the U.S. I feel blessed to live here. But, honestly, it is in times like this that I feel disgusted. And embarrassed to live in a society that is so wasteful. Do we really need (literally) 4,000 different choices of colors and patterns of boys 5T shorts? I mean, seriously.

Over the years I have become much more aware of things that are toxic to our health. In our house, we eat Organic, we don't use chemicals in the home, my baby wears brown (bleach-free diapers), etc. And all of those are good things. But I am becoming much more aware of how too much STUFF can also be toxic to our health. It's over-whelming the amount of things we accumulate. In the last year, I have really been trying to stop consuming soooo much. To use what we have. To donate instead of throw. And to just plain stop buying so much stuff.

Since my trip to the Mall, I haven't been able to stop thinking about it. It's really bothering me. Wondering how our society can truly continue on this pattern of using up resources, manufacturing, consuming, wasting, throwing, filling land-fills. I wonder what it will do to our air, our soil. I wonder how it will affect my kids. My grand kids. I don't have any answer, and I don't have any nice way to wrap up this post. As I said, I've been "consumed.... with consumption."