I know I have been MIA over the last 2 weeks. Really, I haven't gone anywhere. I've been around. Just not had the time, the energy... the words, to post anything.
Life in my little nucleus family has been just fine. Nothing going on here... but just outside the "inner circle," life has been chaotic, challenging, frustrating, stressful... emotionally draining. The familiar saying, "when it rains, it pours" - couldn't possibly apply any more than it does to the last few weeks with close members of my family.
At times like this, when I should be on my knees, relying on the Holy Spirit for strength, for wisdom, for intervention- I feel like I've put myself miles away. More often than not, I'm letting the "yuk" consume me and get me down. I haven't even wanted to get together or visit with friends because I exhaust even myself with my bad attitude and negativity. Feeling that way is so foreign to me. That's not typically who I am. I'm usually so positive and enthusiastic.
Again, before I go off worrying people- let me reassure you. My husband, my kids, myself- we're great. But there are other people- whom I love and care about just as much- who are facing, or involved in or dealing with stressers and issues which- at times- seem insurmountable. And I find myself spending more time worrying, thinking about and discussing- when I should be praying, seeking, and perhaps more importantly, listening to the Holy Spirit. But I've never been a good listener- I guess I just like to talk too much.
But when you are out of words.... and at the end of your advice, and seemingly out of hope you get to a place where you have no other choice than to listen...
pray. listen. pray. listen
And sometimes the answers come when you're not even going out of your way to hear. Tonight, as I rocked my little Bella before bed, I started singing. And I started singing a song that I, honestly, have never been that particularly fond of- and hadn't heard or sung for years. But out of nowhere, I just started singing this little ditty called...
"this little light of mine -
i'm gonna let it shine
this little light of mine-
i'm gonna let it shine
this little light of mine-
i'm gonna let it shine, let it shine, let it shine, let it shine.
won't let satan blow it out-
i'm gonna let it shine
won't let satan blow it out-
i'm gonna let it shine
won't let satan blow it out-
i'm gonna let it shine, let it shine, let it shine, let it shine..."
And it was in that moment, half way through singing that song, that I knew that the song hadn't come out of nowhere... In a few simple, child-like verses I was given the confirmation, the answer, and the encouragement that I needed to hear.
I've got a little light, God gave it to me long ago... well, in my case- he gave me more of a blow torch - (I've never been the quiet, subdued one in the crowd)... and I am sure the adversary would love to blow out my flame with the oppressive winds of circumstances that are beyond my control. But I am not going to let that happen. I can't always do it on my own... but that is what the Spirit is for. I don't need to carry the weight and the burden on my own because He promised me that He would do it for me... because He wants to.
"Casting the whole of your care [all your anxieties, all your worries, all your concerns, once and for all] on Him, for He cares for you affectionately and cares about you watchfully." 1 Pet 5:7
I had no idea where I was going with this post when I started it. But after writing it out... and listening... I think I know where I'm going now.
4 comments:
You totally don't drain me, and you sure didn't seem negative...Ayana and I were singing that song this afternoon, how ironic. You have put to words what I'm feeling tonight, have been feeling for awhile. Thank you for the encouragement, thank you so much.
This gave me shivers!
I love to sing that song to my kids, but honestly have never known all the words to it until now...so thanks! LOL!
You have given me (all of us) another wonderful reminder. I hope things get better with your loved ones, and remember that I am just 2 minutes away if you need to chat... love you!
I love hearing your words on this...I have blogged on the very topic about 3 or 4 times in the last 10 days or so...hearing it from another "perspective" was nice, and comforting of course. You know me...our journey's were never meant to be walked alone! I actually almost called you yesterday. I really needed a "christian ear" from someone that had absolutely no, zip, zero "personal interest" in what I was dealing with. Instead I ended up on my knees in the middle of the kitchen floor! Of course we know that God is the best "ear" and I actually found peace in my day! I love how God puts that void in us that only He can fill if we just go to Him.
Thanks for another reminder on God's great plan and wisdom. By the way, we almost called our posts the same, mine last week was "Nothing much...sort of" b/c like you, at the end I knew where I was headed! Thanks for the encouragement!
Take Care!
Angela,
You are never a downer--even when you think you're in the dumps. What I love about you is when you're going through something very difficult, you're always looking for the light instead of wallowing in distress. Now, that's a positive person!
When I've tried to help someone *fix* things and can't or am worried about something I have little control over, it has helped to think of this:
“Be still, and know that I am God.” (Psalm 46:10)
Or as another saying goes...
"If you're going through hell, keep going." ;)
- Winston Churchill
Love you!
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