the anatomy of misperception...

Here's my baby boy having fun. He found a pair of his big brothers undies and thought it would be hilarious to put them on.
Himself.
And then gallivant around the house in them.

And now here's a secret.

I never wanted boys.
Let me rephrase... I thought I never wanted boys.

Well- I have shared this secret with a few Mom's throughout the years... a few expectant mothers(who have 1 daughter already and were hoping for a "sister").
The conversation usually starts nonchalantly - first, as the mom "to be" shares snippets of a dream or two she had of imagined "sisters" (playing dolls, sharing matching outfits and braids, etc.).... but then quickly moves along as she rubs her belly trying to convince others (and herself) how truly "excited" that she is (now) to be expecting a baby boy, indeed.

Somehow that smile doesn't quite reach their eyes. And I never believe her- because I was her (before I had boys)... hoping the XY would stay far, far away.

But this isn't meant to be a sad story! And for goodness sake, I don't mean to sound so ridiculous, as if hearing one is having a "boy" is the worst news ever. How horrible to even suggest. I'm just sayin... If you ever wanted a baby girl... and only a baby girl- then you get what I'm talking about. If not- then never mind. Just look at the cute pictures and forget what I've said up above.

But back to the pregnant Mom... I always whisper to her the same thing... "Don't tell anyone... but I never thought I wanted boys, either... until I had one! Trust me- there is NOTHING like having a son. Little boys are the best. It's gonna be great!"

I suppose- like with many things- any kind of apprehension about raising sons that I may have had can be explained by the fear of the unknown. I grew up with a sister. One sister. No boys.

Before I had sons, I imagined that having a son would be akin to having a messy, noisy, monkey who climbed bookshelves and walls and shouted all day long.

But it wasn't like that at all. My first son, Alex, has the most beautiful, sensitive calm nature. No drama. No craziness. Not a lot of noise. Complacent. Easy. A true delight in every sense.

And for those of you moms who actually do have one of those "crazy" XY's please don't write me off. Know that I did not escape... my crazy monkey came in the form of an XX  named Ariana who actually WAS what I'd always imagined as a mischevious, noisy, crazy "boy" ...  times 10.

So there.

And by the way- the meaning of her beautiful name happens to be "Very holy one." - not just 'holy one" but "VERY" holy one. Um. Okay. And for those of you who actually know her in person- you can stop laughing now. Moving along...

The point is- my perception of what little boys were like was soooo off. Not having grown up with "boys" or brothers around and wondering how strange it would be to parent a son was a fear that ended the moment they said "It's a boy!" and placed my first son in my arms.

What I've come to discover is that boys are amazing.

Funny.

Creative.

Endearing.

Charming.

Silly.

And yes, at times- a bit silly, crazy and mischievous, finding joy in the strangest things...

Need I say more?

Oh, my boys.

I love them so much.

They bring me endless joy.

Misconceptions are funny like that.

You never know what you're gonna get, until it actually happens- and you live it... and you realize that some things in life will never quite turn out exactly as you imagined they'd be.

Often times they're SO much better.

goodbye 5

I'm not one for goodbye's, and the other night was no exception. You and I- snuggling in your bed- said goodbye to 5.

 You assured me, "Don't worry, Mommy- I'll still be your lil buddy."

I smiled and hugged you tight, but it was dark so I didn't bother hiding it when I swallowed hard and bit my lip. As I was saying... I'm not so good with goodbyes.

But with every "goodbye" comes a new adventure.

Well hello there, 6!

 

So I woke up early yesterday. I knew you'd be up already. I hurried and dressed to meet my boy downstairs. After all, we had a date!

You decided - 6 years ago- that for the most special dates, we'd always meet up early.  At 12:19 a.m. (2004), as the new day turned, we had our first official date - and boy, was I smitten!  

Love at first sight.

I didn't think I could  place a custom order straight with our Heavenly Father for what I'd hoped for in a son. But He knew the desires of your Mommy's heart. And He blessed me with a boy who was even more than I ever could have imagined a precious son could be.

He gave you the sweetest heart I've ever known in a child.

Sensitive and caring.

A little bit shy, but a whole lot of a big heart. I can't wait to see, my sweet son, how God uses you when you're older.

 

 But for now, He uses you to make my day's. You put a smile on my face. And though you are "all boy" - you bring the calm and peaceful spirit to our home.

You make your Momma smile.
You make my heart happy.

You are my "little buddy."

And 6, nor 16, is ever gonna change that.

So, goodbye to 5.

And cheers to 6!

Stay a while!

(a looooonggg while, for your mommas sake, please!)

We welcome you with new model cars -

And bowling games with the lights turned out and funky cosmic colors strobing the floor.

And though Cosmic Bowl is super fun, everything is made more fun when your best friend is there to share it with you.

Along with a couple of sisters who adore you.

You are an amazing son.

Happy Birthday to my boy whom I love and adore and in so many ways admire.

You have a beautiful heart.

Thank you for blessing me every single day.

I love being your Mom.

Goodbye 5.

It's been a wonderful year.

Good things come to those who wait...

There once was a little boy. He was 3 years old. He loved Cars. And not just any old car.
Only, as he would say, "Cars with eyes."
But his mommy knew that "Cars with eyes meant" only Disney Pixar Cars.

He collected cars for birthdays.
He collected cars for Christmas.
He collected cars when he saved up his money.

His Mommy would be too embarrassed to tell you the number of cars this little boy collected.

Then, one day when this boy was 4, his big brother (who also liked Cars, to collect but not to play with) came home with a supersized Combine "Car." Which really isn't a car, but I digress.

His name is Frank.



He looks mean, but apparantely he's pretty cool and pretty in demand. Unfortunately for the little boy, his older brother and Daddy happened to come across Frank during a Target run in which little boy was left at home. At Target, the Daddy saw only 2 Franks in the whole store, but passed on buying one for little brother because he thought he might already have it.

So one Frank came home with big brother.
One stayed on the shelf at Target.

Little brother was heartbroken. He wanted big, cool, mean looking Frank.

14 months went by.

Yes, I said months. Not days, not weeks... months.
For 14 months we scoured Targets here- Targets there- Targets everywhere.

No Frank.

We stopped at Targets along a 3500 mile round trip drive. TWO YEARS IN A ROW.

No Frank.

Every single time Mommy went to her Target 4 blocks from our house, she responded with the same answer ("Sure, but we've gotta look quickly!") to the same question, ("Mommy, can we go look for Frank?"). And when I say EVERY time, as God is my witness, I mean every- single- time. We never went to Target without looking for Frank. The Mom eventually told her son that though they would continue to look, she was afraid they did not make Frank the Combine anymore.

By now the little boy was 5 years old. Not just 5, but 5 "and a half."

One day his Mommy had to run to Target and asked her little man to come with her. He said no. "No," until his older sister said, "Oooo- then I wanna go!" - in which he jumped up and had a miraculous and speedy change of heart.

Off they went to Target. Different day, different trip, same question. "Mommy, can we go look for Frank?"

For a moment, the Mommy thought she was seeing things. She'd looked in the exact same aisle, in the exact same spot, for over a year to no avail. But there he was...

Frank!!

In all his big, mean, cool splendor and glory.

Mommy said, "It's Frank! It's Frank!" - Little boys mouth made the shape of a perfect O and  he started jumping up and down. His Mommy handed him the Combine and the little boy began to exclaim, "PRAISE THE LORD!! PRAISE THE LORD!! PRAISE THE LORD!!!!!" As if that were not odd enough to the unsuspecting shoppers in the same aisle (who were unaware of the 14 month nation wide scavenger hunt for Frank), his Mommy also became giddy with excitement and jubilation. The two of them hugged over and over again marveling at their long lost treasure.

The little boy skipped all the way to the cash register. 

Grinning from ear to ear. 

Still chuckling to himself (a little quieter now), "Oh! Praise the Lord! Praise the Lord!" 

Little boy asked to be photographed with his prized possession.


He showed his Daddy (who sighed a deep sigh of relief after regretting leaving "14 months ago Frank" on the shelf... 14 months ago)

The whole family was reminded that "good things come to those who wait."



And little boy played happily ever after.

The end.

A best friendship is formed...

And on the other end of these precious little hands and fingers are my two darling sons...



If you remember from a few weeks ago, I posted this picture of Alex kissing my pregnant belly. This was not a one time occurance. We just happend to snap a photo of it and I'm so glad we did because the next morning Christian was born. My husband took the picture because we wanted to remember how sweet Alex was, always kissing my belly. Every day. Every night. And he constantly spoke to his little brother growing inside me. "Hey little buddy! How's it going in there? I'm going to teach you how to play cars!"



My oldest son has always been the sweet and sensitive one of the family. He is so tender and loving. And now that his little baby brother is finally born, he is just as sweet with him now that he finally gets to hold him in his arms...



My two sons...



... a best friendship formed.

Happy Birthday... Again, and again, and again and again

All right folks- this is it.... I promise! The last birthday announcement you will see from me (that is, of course, until this baby arrives sometime in the next 2 weeks ;)

My son turns 5 years old today! For some reason, when my daughter turned 5, it seemed much harder for me. But my little boy is still- well- my little boy, and I think he always will be.
He is my buddy- my sweetheart. He is so loving and gentle and sweet. He loves his momma, and his momma LOVES him!

I uploaded a few pictures of him as a baby- but, honestly, I was just too lazy to find, scan and upload pictures of when he was born. He was a little cutie. Just trust me on that. 8 lbs. 9 oz... head full of dark hair.

Here he is at around 4 weeks (and me looking like I'm 12). Seriously, it's getting me a little depressed seeing these pictures from 5 and 7 years ago when my kids were born... oh, how just a few short years and so many kids has aged me!!)



He was SUCH a happy, content baby. Truly just a joy...



Momma and her boy...



- a little bit of a skip in age here, but here is his at Age 3...

Age 4...

And Age 5!

Happy Birthday, Son. I love you!

Mommy Date

Things are looking up around here. Everyone is feeling much better AND I have not gotten sick at all. Praise God! As you all know, Mom's aren't allowed to get sick!

This morning, I had the wonderful privilege of taking my son out on a date. I get to spend a lot of one on one time with the girls... Grace, because I am often driving her off to activities and Ariana, because, well- because she's "the baby." I always ask Alex to come with me by himself when I go run errands or grocery shop- but for some reason, that just doesn't have quite the appeal for him. Not nearly as much- that is- as a date to the donut shop!



So- this morning we headed over to Mr. Donut - the very same store that many years ago I was taken to for dates when I was his age. And, let me tell ya, nothing about that place has changed. Same booths, same 70's counter tops, same garbage/tray stand that was there 25 years ago (ewww). The place could use a bit of updating, for sure, but I cherished being there with him.

We ordered up our donuts... chocolate with sprinkles for him, chocolate glaze for me. A special hot chocolate for him, a plain decaf coffee for me (that I had to choke down- gross!). We sat down in our booth- facing each other- and visited away about things that 4 year old's love to talk about. He confirmed for me, again, that his favorite thing to play with is "Cars" and that when he grows up he wants to be either Spiderman or a Dad. He wondered about when Spring would "come back" and suggested that maybe it was already over! We talked about everything. And nothing. And I loved every second of it.

I honestly didn't want our time to end! As he finished the last of his donut and started to get up from the booth to go- I said, "We don't have to go yet! There's no hurry." And for me, Ms. Multi-tasker, Type-A, always doing 5 things at once.... that was quite the proof that I wanted to be nowhere other than right where I was.... sitting in a 1970's orange booth, sipping weak coffee- but across from my handsome boy who lights up my life.

prayer...

For 4 years now, I have prayed with my son each night while I tucked him in. Pretty much ever since he could talk, I would ask him if he wanted to pray, after I finished. And each night, he would respond the same, "No thank you." But lately, he's said he's wanted to pray but asked for my help cause he wasn't sure what to say. So, I would encourage him to thank Jesus for the day and tell Him he loves Him. So, for several nights, I heard the same thing, (verbatim)
"Dear Jesus, thank you for this day. I love you. Amen."

Until tonight when he uttered two more sentences, but how simple- and yet how profound- they were. All on his own, he came out with the most beautiful prayer...

Dear Jesus,

Thank you God that you are alive.

and I love you very much.

and I do not like Satan.

and I do not want to listen to him.

Amen.

I smiled and kissed him goodnight and slipped out of his room thinking that perhaps I could do well to take a lesson from my son. Sometimes I get caught up in trying to think too much about finding the "right" words to pray when I want to communicate something "really important" to God. But the thing is, He already knows my heart. And, sometimes, less is more.

Thank you, son, for the reminder. Four simple sentences. But refreshingly profound.

who's that guy?

Some interesting conversation can always crop up completely out of the blue at our house...

Alex: Who's that guy again who dressed up in that snake costume?

Me: Hmm? Who??

Alex: You know- that bad guy?

Me: Oh- you mean, Satan?

Alex: Yeah!! Satan.

There you have it. Always have to be on my toes!

Happy Birthday to our Son!

Happy Birthday to my Big 4 year old! You have grown so much over the last 4 years, but I suppose, since you are my only son, you will always be a bit of my "baby boy." You are such a funny kid. You think of the most clever, funny things to say and questions to ask. And although you really want to fit in with the "big boys" (Daddy & Braden) you are still my little snuggle bug and you still have time for cuddles and kisses before bed.

Here you are! The moment you were born! (Grandma had the camera handy).

August 17th, 12:17 a.m.

8 lbs. 9 oz. .... WOW!

I have a son... a SON!

Meeting your big sister Gracie for the first time...

Here you are a few weeks old. Happy and alert and even then our calm, sweet little boy...

And here you are today! Our big boy. I am so proud of you, son. I love you so much. Happy Birthday!