I was about to put it on, but suddenly remembered that it's Wednesday and Grace had ballet later in the day. What, you are wondering, does that possibly have to do with the shirt I was about to put on??
Let me rewind.... Last week at ballet I had an interesting conversation with one of the other Moms while we were all waiting. (This is what we do- sit around and visit for an hour). Well, this one particular Mom dresses extremely conservative. And by "extremely," I mean from head to toe, with not a millimeter of skin showing, other than her face. No, she does not wear a scarf around her entire head (like a Muslim head dress)- but, she does actually wear a smaller covering over her bun . ANYWAY... I never really thought much about it, or cared, because how she dresses has no bearing on my opinion of her or how much I enjoy vising with her- which, by the way, I do very much. BUT- last week, she brought up the subject of how she dresses by commenting that sometimes people ask her if she is Baptist because of the way she dresses. Now, that confused me a bit. I have never seen a Baptist dress like that. Now, a Quaker- yes. But not a Baptist. (In case you might be wondering this Mom is a Christian).
Since she brought it up, I couldn't help but ask her, "Why do you dress that way? And why do you cover your hair?" She proceeded to explain to me the reasons why she felt it was important for her and her girls to dress modest. She wears no jewelry, not even her wedding ring, because she feels that "Jesus is her jewel" and she does not want to take away from the light of Jesus that shines through her.
Now, please don't misunderstand, the point of my post is in no way to insult this woman's values or conviction. I actually admire her beliefs and her strong conviction. I don't necessarily agree exactly with the level of her thinking on modesty- but that is not my point. Let me fast forward to this morning...
So, I'm about to throw on my black shirt and at that moment, remember my conversation from last week. I figure- maybe I should choose a different shirt. Not that my black shirt was immodest in any way- but, I don't know- all of a sudden, I just felt like I would be too exposed. I would feel uncomfortable. And maybe worse, would I make her uncomfortable? Especially in light of our lengthy conversation on the matter. So, I settled on this safe (boring) choice...
But- it got me thinking about something.... 10 years ago, I couldn't have cared less what anyone would have thought or if I might offend them with my attire. Same goes with drinking alcohol. Now, hope I'm not hitting on too touchy of a point.... but I have friends and family who have opinions on both ends of the spectrum. My husband and I drink one glass of wine with dinner almost every night- for the health benefits, and because we enjoy a glass of good red wine. We don't drink anything else (well, besides my husband likes the occasional beer after mowing the lawn or with a big burger). But because we have a lot of friends and family who are uncomfortable with any form of alcohol whatsoever, we never drink wine in front of those people (like at weddings, etc.). Furthermore, when we have hosted parties in the past and know that there will be people there who do not believe alcohol is okay, we don't provide beer or wine at those parties because we don't want to risk making any of our loved ones feel uncomfortable.
So- here is where you come in. What are your thoughts on the matter? What about not drinking in front of others it may offend? I am curious to know what others think about my decision to swap out my shirt at the last minute? Is that crazy? What would you do? What do you think about Romans 14?
I guess that over the years I have just decided that even though I am a strong (sometimes opinionated) woman, I can't let that come before risking that I might offend other people when I know I can avoid it. I realize that even people who serve the same loving God, may have very different opinions on the "little things." I am always amazed at the level of controversy in some circles on things like music, dancing, drinking... and now modesty, I guess. I have always believed that as long as the core fundamental belief is agreed upon... that God is God alone, that He sent His son, Jesus, to die for our sins and that He is the only way to Heaven... all the other little stuff is fairly inconsequential in the big picture. It's not worth arguing over. And it's also not worth risking offense.
But, that is just my opinion... So - back to the question - would you have changed your shirt?
10 comments:
Well, yes...in all honesty I would've worn the black little top.
I always wear whatever I feel comfortable in though - and I'm not talking "physically comfortable." I dress up. I am that mom that wears 4 inch stiletto knee-high boots under my jeans every day...in the middle of winter while lugging around my three kids. I wear shirts that fit and I wear necklaces, belts, or big hoop earrings and I make sure to do my makeup and hair every single day. Why? Because that's the kind of stuff that makes me feel comfortable, and then I don't feel like I'm NOT home sick. I refuse to be a slouchy, frumpy mom. Now, Angela -- this is not to say that you were slouchy or frumpy in your cute hoodie and jeans yesterday. Goodness, no! You are the cutest damn woman and you should be proud of that!
I commend you for how sweet you are, too, to think of that woman and how she might feel around you and all your cuteness. I also commend you for not drinking, per se, around the people in your life that don't. I am much too self-absorbed and selfish to do that, but at least I happily supply pop and water at our parties for the folks that don't drink, LOL!
Love ya!
Jena
Ange, it's always dangerous to ask my opinion! But here goes...
I would have done the same thing you did and changed my top. Consideration of other people and good example is an act of charity.
Now, I guess this discussion can quickly turn into one of philosophy/religion since some people don't consider many fashions immodest and may not have my same conservative Christian beliefs. I don't have a problem with accessorizing or wearing jewelry. My definition of immodest dress is purposely accentuating body parts--showing deep cleavage or Brittany-style rear exposure, skin-tight clothing, etc. With that said, I know at times I wear clothing that is immodest--showing a bit of the little cleavage I have(!), baring more skin than necessary, wearing shorter skirts--even though they're considered acceptable and "fashionable" in general society. Hey, I live in a very hot climate!! (I know, I know, that's a lame excuse!) With this in mind, I'll point out that I grew up surrounded by "worldly" influences that have been difficult for me to shake off. I consider myself a work in progress. You know, baby steps!
I have gotten to the point (albeit in line with my age?! and because my two daughters are approaching their tweens!) where I certainly see value in people dressing modestly, which doesn't have to mean being uncomfortable or looking frumpy. Check out this website for girls dressing modestly in today's fashions.
http://www.purefashion.com/
"But I say to you, that whosoever shall look on a woman to lust after her, hath already committed adultery with her in his heart." (Mt.5:28).
One of my friends once said that she is very disappointed when girls dress immodestly because she would rather not have her teenaged son tempted into sinful thoughts (which is basically what boys/men are often left with after seeing a woman's accentuated body parts through immodest attire). I can respect that--especially since I am raising two sons of my own.
Okay, let me look beyond my own vanity and selfishness in wanting to look fashionable and womanly in this worldly society:
If I'm so careful in how I raise my Godly children--what they eat, how we discipline them, what they watch on TV, etc.--shouldn't I then be concerned about supporting and protecting their character and virtues? I don't want other people to tempt my children to sin. Afterall, my most important job as a mother is helping my children get to Heaven.
I know all this may sound "old fashioned" but here are some words that are timeless:
"...Numbers of believing and pious women...in accepting to follow certain bold fashions, break down, by their example, the resistance of many other women to such fashions, which may become for them the cause of spiritual ruin. As long as these provocative styles remain identified with women of doubtful virtue, good women do not dare to follow them; but once these styles have been accepted by women of good reputation, decent women soon follow their example, and are carried along by the tide into possible disaster." (Pope Pius XII)
and
To say that "... modesty is a matter of custom" is just as wrong as to say that "... honesty is a matter of custom."
I think these are good thoughts to ponder.
Ange, I also do the same thing as you do when we have guests over--respect their preferences-- especially since I'm aware of a couple of neighbors who have battled addictions. I certainly appreciate a good glass of pinot noir, but I don't want to cause my brothers to stumble.
You have such a great heart, and it shows in how honestly you search for the truth! You are also very sweet natured and probably couldn't offend anyone even if you really tried!
Much love,
Laura
Hmm.... that's a good question. I don't know if I would change my shirt or not. However I do think you looked super cute with what you put on and espcially with that eye candy on your hip!
Some great questions you have here. Well, here it goes.
I would have changed my shirt also. Here's why. If I enjoyed someone's company, like you said you did with this woman, I wouldn't want to risk offending them in an area that I already know they stand a certain way in...thus changing our friendship.
For me, I wouldn't stop with clothing either. If I knew a friend would be offended by my music, the number of drinks I have, my extracurriculer activities I choose, etc., I would choose to refrain from them eliminating the chance of offense.
On the other hand, I'm not one to question over and over what "people might think" when it comes to people I don't know. You can't please everyone, right?! But when it comes to friends, I'd put their feelings first.
BTW, you look adorable in your sweatshirt. And the peanut you're holding.
I don't think I would have changed my shirt. That would be like asking her to change her shirt or her hair covering. It seems to me that she could really see beyond your clothing and into your heart and the amount of skin showing wouldn't matter. I do know baptists that dress "that" way. They are not southern baptists as I was raised but in the north where I live there are churches with extremely conservative dress for their ladies. Dresses/skirts to the ankles always. Never any pants allowed and hair is usually pulled up in bun or pony never hanging down. I know that Jesus loved all and didn't see the clothing but saw the heart and that is what counts.
Have a fun vacation!
To answer your question, I would have changed my shirt. I think it's important to consider the feelings and beliefs of other people. It's the thoughtful and respectable thing to do, and I firmly believe that's what God expects of us as Christians. I think it's important to be aware that our actions, as simple as the clothes we choose to wear, can cause others around us to stumble. I see nothing wrong with having an occasional drink or two, but I do believe it's our responsibility to make the choices that God expects us to make.
Fortunately for you, you could look adorable in a potato sack. :) You're so thoughtful and considerate of others, and I really appreciate that about you, Angela! Thanks for being honest about your thoughts!
WOW, I love this post!!!! I think that God honors our individual hearts... I love your perspective.
I would have changed my shirt choice also. I like people I am around to feel comfortable and not akward towards me for my clothing choice. Of course, I wear no clothes that show any skin except my pj's have v-neck but no one sees them but my husband and son. I had a friend that liked to show off her "goods" and it made me uncomfortable and she knew it so she always changed her clothes for me. I just wish everyone had the same common courtesy as you. ( :
I don't tend to share my "opinions" that much unless it is something that I can back with Scripture. So, as I read your blog, the Scripture that came to mind was 1 Corinthians 10:31-33...
It says, "So whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God. Do not cause anyone to stumble, whether Jews, Greeks or the church of God — even as I try to please everybody in every way. For I am not seeking my own good but the good of many, so that they may be saved."
Focusing on our "rights" or our "freedoms" in Christ can be so what our flesh wants to do sometimes, can't it? So, taking that step and thinking what would be GOOD/best for others vs seeking our own good/desires is what I think that the Lord wants us to do (He tells us this in His Word!).
So, I think that you did a great thing, Angela, in putting aside what you at first wanted to wear and thought MORE about how someone else may react!!! In my opinion, the good of many/others (over the good of ourselves) is what the Lord desires. :-)
So, to answer your question, yes, I would have changed my shirt as well!!!
I don't know that your decision, as what to wear should be based on what or how this woman might feel, but more on what your testimony is speaking.
You must have a genuine sweetness about you that this sister in Christ could share part of her heart with you. So, you must radiate a testimony regardless of what you are wearing.
I met this woman in art school who wore all dark black, heavy dark make up and what seemed like six inch spike boots with lots of metal. I sat by her. Me, conservative (having come out of the preppy early 80's) She had an amazing spirit and love for Christ. Her testimony was strong and she could reach out to people that I could never get close to. It was an AHA moment for me.
How sweet of you to be sensative this woman. And you looke darling.
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