s-t-r-e-t-c-h-e-d thin!

Today held the promise of being a very productive day. I knew I had to be up early and have 4 kids up, fed, dressed and out the door by 8:30 in order to arrive at their appointment at the new children's dental clinic I had recently made appointments for. Being the organized, plan ahead girl that I am, I even showered the night before so that I'd have one less thing to do in the morning.

Lo and behold- to my surprise- I was not only on time, but actually 3 minutes EARLY! (Virtually unheard of). I was feeling so proud of myself, even as I walked in the door to the clinic realizing that I didn't have my insurance card with me. Being that this was our first appointment at the new clinic, I told myself- no problem- I'll just sign the "promise to pay form," or whatever, and make sure I fax the information later. Upon checking in- I told her the name of the dental insurance we carry and she said she could look it up for me, so long as I had the primary's social security number. Great! No problem. I rattled it off, 1,2,3. Only problem is.. I come to find out our new fabulous Children's Dental clinic (complete with intricate jungle murals on every wall, a row of computers just for little hands, lifesized stuffed animals placed about and toys galore) is... OUT OF NETWORK!  I sheepishly- yet profusely- apologized and wheeled my stroller and 3 little kids out of there with my "tail between my legs" and my chin tucked low. Perhaps if I had bothered to take the time to call ahead and verify with my insurance company (like the clinic had told me to do)- I wouldn't have been in this predicament. But it slipped through the cracks. One more thing on  my "to do" list that I never got to.

Why do I feel the need to elaborate on such a seemingly small incident? Because- well- lately, this seems to be the story of my life. It was hardly an isolated incident. Take just yesterday when I hurriedly rushed out the door and drove like a bat outta hell "woman on a mission while still observing the speed laws" to gymnastics because we got out the door 15 minutes late. When I peeled into the parking lot, I was confused to find an empty lot and a darkened building. How could this be? I sunk back into my minivan seat, scratched my head while answering questions from little voices in the back, "Mommy? Why can't we go to gymnastics? Why isn't anyone here?" Would you believe it took me another 5 minutes to realize that we were not, in fact, 15 minutes late- but rather we were 15 minutes EARLY? Nothing had changed since the week before... (or the previous 8 weeks for that matter) And yet, somehow I had managed to thoroughly convince myself that our weekly Wednesday morning gymnastics extravaganza began at 9:00 a.m. rather than 9:30.

Honestly, I am becoming jaded... jaded about myself. How hilarious I find it when people say to me, "How do you do it all? Homeschool, work, and stay home with 4 kids?" Because here's your answer, folks... Lately, I don't! At least, I don't do it well! Something suffers and, thank God, it hasn't been my kids, their activities, their schooling or my work... it's unfortunately been my sanity!

Or here's another one that is completely laughable, "You are SuperWoman!" I actually hate it when people say that, because all I can think of is, "Yes! That is me- SuperWoman... right as she's about to jump off the building." The only difference is that I don't have super powers to allow me to fly.

Friends, if you could only see the number of sticky notes I have plasted all over the house just to help get me through the day. "Pay 'John Doe' X amount, for X job." ... "Put chicken in crockpot before 10 a.m."... "Pick up dry cleaning"... "PT at 9 a.m."... "Wash kids uniforms for tonight"... "Take a breath before I pass out." Okay- the last one's a little ridiculous. But, seriously- I've got a note for everything because, sadly- without them I feel like I might sink.
And I will admit, my kids are in way too many things. So, do I find ways to cut some things out? No! I sign them up for more! I inherited this curse from my mother- and she inherited it from her mother. Apparenty, my Grandfather used to tell my Grandmother, "You'd sign the girls up for 'fart lessons' if they had them!" I can so relate to my Grandmother... wanting to provide your kids with every opportunity possible. But at what cost? And at what lengths to the ridiculous are you willing to go?

Lately I'm feeling stretched thin. too thin.

And I don't want to keep letting things slip through the cracks. Nor do I want to keep showing up places "late" and realize I'm early- all because I can't keep things straight in my head.

Believe it or not, I'm not even going to pretend I have a neat little conclusion to this "story" or an easy answer to my problem. All I know is that something's gotta give. And I also know that - as much as I hate to admit it- that, right there, is my honest answer. I feel like such a phony when people say, "How do you do it?" Because while I don't find it difficult to "do it all" - I do find it hard to "do it all and do it all... well."

When someone kinds "the key" to balancing it all, please let me know (and make me a copy!).